Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
