her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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