I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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