i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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