The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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