So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
