Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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