I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
