There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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