you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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