summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
