im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
