I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
