I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
