im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
