It's just like the Real World with babies
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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