i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize