Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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