He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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