I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
