; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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