ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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