i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
