I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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