plz talk dirty to me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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