the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
