I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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