dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
