Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
