Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
