Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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