I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
