guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My liver just had a heart attack.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
