I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
