Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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