Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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