dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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