he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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