Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
