I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
