If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
