i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
