she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
