i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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