you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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