Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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