I'm going to jail i love you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
