the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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