Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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