When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
