Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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