So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
