you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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