i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
