that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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