You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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