so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize