he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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