My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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