I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
