well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
