Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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