How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
