...so i touched it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
